Planning a trip to London? Any visitor of the capital dreams of the perfect experience this emblematic city offers – a journey to another land with exquisite manners, architectural and design miracles, matchless sights and inventive restaurants. Well, the first step to this fairy tale is the place you are staying at and if you’re not careful enough you might end up in a scene that much more resembles a horror movie with crumbling plaster, burnt bulbs and filthy drapes. As I am sure you wish to avoid this at any cost – here is a list with the most known London’s most appalling hotels, bear them in mind so as to avoid a completely ruined stay at London. And even if you’re not even thinking of visiting London, this is still a pretty interesting list…
Earls Court Gardens Hotel
Constantly undergoing some construction with nice workers places just at your ear – you can challenge yourself to how long you can stand it without going deaf. Even if all of that noise eventually finishes, you’ll realize it was the least of your problem. From the very entrance of that hotel, which cannot honestly be referred to as a hotel, everything you lay eyes on is filthy. There is no lift to take you to your floor so you go trough the exciting journey of taking the stairs – they are just wide enough for a persona, you can decide on your own what to do with any suitcases – maybe ask the workers to lift them to your window from outside. As you continue into your room you will keep contemplating the uncleaned bedroom, bathroom (which is usually unusable) and the perfect touch is Earls Court’s haunting smell of something which left this world some time ago. Along with the staff whose expressions straightforwardly tell you about how much they wish you wouldn’t be here bothering them with work I’d say a better option would be to spend the night at a 24-hour café.
The Lonsdale Hotel
I’m afraid I might even bore you until I’ve finished all there is to say about this so called hotel. Honestly, it puzzles me that it even exists – no other hotel that could be said to functions looks like that. Probably all the profit it has made and will (maybe) make in the next century would not be enough to refurbish this place. The floors are of unrecognizable material, the carpets over them are rotting and therefore giving off quite the smell, the beds are not very trustworthy…You cannot even count on the doors being opened or closed – some of them cannot close or be locked properly, while others get stuck all the time giving rise to a mini panic attack in your head in response to the question ‘’Will I actually be able to get out of here?’’.
And if this is not enough, wait till you see the bathrooms – pretty much all of them are out of order and if you wish to wash away the filthiness, well, you cannot really hang your shower…I personally admire the great idea behind the décor – nobody even made the effort to take down any leftovers of something (you cannot make out what it was) that might have been useful some years ago off the walls. The fact that the staff is not any worse than just ignorant may actually be a positive about that place. And if you’re attracted by the prices, decide to try it out and run with screams if what I’m saying is true: don’t even bother, the hotel foresightedly demands a payment up front.
The Ventures Hotel
This one probably holds the first place in a rank of lazy staff. I think that the maids, or whoever ‘takes care’ of the rooms, waits to see I anyone will show up for their reservation and then bother to clean after the previous habitants – at least that can explain some of the smells…You can arrive at 2 or 10 p.m., it doesn’t make much difference as your room will not be ready yet. While waiting you have enough time to consume all the staff’s grumpiness and absorb the pure energy of hatred towards life. Although, to be honest, I’d feel the same way if I worked at that place. When you finally go up to your room, using the stairs, of course, you might have the urge to ask if they pointed you to the right direction – the countless stains on the drapes, carpets, beds plus the pubic hair on your pillow kind of leave you under the impression that this is not the room supposedly just cleaned.
The sticky air will stretch your nerves even more and if it’s your lucky day you can try if the window can be opened; it will most probably be stuck. Continuing with the drawings on the walls and the disgusting bathrooms you see how the description of a hostel in horror movie becomes complete. Save you money for prepayment and better put up a tent across the street.
Moving on to the next land of infections. Just what you already expect – a dumpy looking, old hostel with tiny rooms in desperate need of refurbishment. You’ll most surely be rudely welcomed as if you were randomly knocking on people’s doors at night asking whether you could stay the night. Expect the usual for such places payment up front and on top of that there is a good chance some sanitation problems might prevent you from staying.
And you’ll be told of that after you’ve paid, of course. In such cases you will be sent to another hotel not even slightly close to Corbigoe and it does not matter what time of the day it is. You see now what I mean by rude and impudent staff. If it happens so that there are no leaks at the building you’ll get the chance to see what’s inside the hotel. And that is, again, rooms last cleaned before World War II, disturbing smells, hair all over your sheets, sinks and showers which will likely cause the next leak if you decide to use them and lots of stains. And on top of everything, the prices are not so low.
Holland Court Hotel
Trying to mislead possible guests with an ambiguously taken photo, Holland Court is not that rarely chosen for staying plus its prices are not low enough so as to take a hint about its quality. But as soon as you enter, you can infer enough about the place. The staff is arrogant, completely ignoring the state this ‘hotel’ is in and acting as if offended by the way you look around, I guess they are unaware of the fact that this is not a five star hotel chain.
Even the lobby and the hallways of the hotel have gathered too thick layers of dust, you can see as various trash as at a dump and smell what not…Holland Court holds a record for tiny rooms – if you wish to take something out of your suitcase you’ll be forced to go outside of your room while opening the case inside or the other way around – it’s your choice. Also, don’t expect much hot water and any room that does not stink of cigarettes. The place isn’t even adjusted solely for sleeping – obviously there wasn’t enough money for a double glass and it’s practically as if you’re sleeping on the sidewalk of a boulevard. Which would be a better idea indeed.
What a kingdom. The only reason anyone has ever chosen it is its location related to its prices. And that’s it. The staff is rather okay – meaning just ignorant. You usually get a room completely different from what your reservation was for – it varies from 2 to 4 beds more or less than expected. And whatever the room, it has obviously not been properly cleaned, nor has anything in there been changed ever. Prepare for stains, ugly smells, dirty carpets, if any. On the last floors there isn’t even TV, let alone WiFi – you know better than to expect WiFi from a hotel in this particular list. Not to mention that breakfast in such hotels is not only unpalatable but also hazardous to consummate. And if filthiness, amazingly small premises and uninterested in any feature of their jobs staff is not enough, wait till you hear the best part – provided you display the courage to take a shower at Kings Hotel, at least you won’t be alone, the kind and cheerful bugs dwelling you bathroom and shower tube will keep you company!
Now I’m reluctantly moving to the last of London’s worst hotels (or at least the last I know) – Romanos. I have to admit, the name itself gives it away a bit, I wouldn’t bet on it even if I didn’t know more. On your arrival you are warmly welcomed by everyone’s blissful ignorance and you can just smell their hope that you are eventually going to turn around and leave once you’ve seen how you’re about to be served during your stay. If you are persistent enough and stay, the receptionist gives up and decides to check you in after all. As you walk into your one of a kind room (if you are short enough to do so) you enter another nightmare of old furniture and décor. To be honest, when it comes to cleanliness, there is worse but maybe that is because rooms with such sizes are easier to clean. Seriously, the bathroom is smaller than a telephone booth, it would be a true miracle if you manage to use it for anything. Other than these high qualities, you should know that you’re bound to pay £5 at least one during your stay, be it for using a card, arriving half an hour sooner than expected, additional tea – whatever, you will be charged £5 for something.
After reading all of this, you probably need to lay down for a bit, it’s understandable. But after your short rest, think again and face up to the fact that there are plenty of awful, disgusting holes you can turn out to be staying. Look carefully and avoid the previously mentioned at any cost, even though prices are usually low – it isn’t worth ruining your whole stay at London just to save not such a great amount of money. If you wish to avoid being bit by an unidentifiable species, playing the game of ‘Is this hair from someone head or…not?’ and inhaling the amount of dust found on construction sites – chose your hotel carefully. And if it seems to be a hard task, you can always have a look at a far more pleasant rank – London’s Best Hotels; I promise that this list would make up for your current mood and convince that London has much to offer!